Thanks for sharing this. It's very beautifully written, and deeply sobering. I'm an instant fan. Of course I'm inspired to add my own mediocre, compulsive comments. First is simply that we humans are neither cyborgs nor disembodied spirits, therefore we all have a shelf life. It's not injustice, it's mere biology, and it is equally true for boys and men (who simply have a different time/value curve.) Second, we each have a "commodity value" (which is really just a real and/or estimated social bargaining power for getting what we want and need from others) that barely overlaps the divine spark of our own souls. It is the dissonance between these two valences that torments us all, whether male or female. You magnificently capture the unique torment particular to the "pretty girl" (or, the almost-pretty girl) and the "used to be pretty girl." Outside that frame are the experiences of all who are something other than that. Which is to say, practically everybody, given that only 50% of humans are female, and "pretty" probably fits neatly on no more that a third of them. So, around 17% of humans, only a fraction of whom are in that phase of life at any moment. Still, that feminine fraction fascinates the attention of all of us. And we barely recognize the reason: We're basically just mammals mating and propagating our species. Ultimately it is our primitive urge to improve our collective gene pool that rivets the teenage girl to TikTok and her bathroom mirror, and that moves mature adults to sift cheerleaders and quarterbacks our of the rabble of ordinary kids, and to require the rabble to honor them. Nevertheless, there is live and love and joy for "the rest of us." If only we let go of the expectation that it is we who will be the next object of genetic reverence.
I found you via Rob Henderson, and dang, I'm glad. I'll be up late reading all of your writings!
Reading this, I have to admit, I chuckled because some of these things sound absurd...but I am mostly saddened that my fellow women (younger and older) are basing so much of their value and worth on looking “ageless.”
When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to have wrinkles and crow’s feet because I thought “now that’s a woman who’s lived a lot more life, has some wisdom and some stories!”
There is beauty in age (pain as well)...and the gift age gives you is time and the opportunity to live life. And valuing your time and self as a person-doesn’t mean wasting time worrying about the fact that you’re aging...enjoy life, laugh so hard you make more wrinkles, have enough experiences that your face looks like crackle glazed vase...that’s living, that’s life☺️
Such an important topic. Personally I’m not a fan of TikTok anyway, but learning the type of influence it has on young girls made me sick. We should be teaching young girls to fight objectification, not to succumb to it. For the record, I treasure my laugh lines and crows feet. I’ve earned everyone of them being an outspoken advocate for women and girls.
Great, dark piece, Freya. I explored something this concept in one of my first Substack posts if you or any readers are interested. It's about a quasi-totalitarian state where mirrors are banned for children:
Hi Freya! I wondered if you’ve seen gen alpha’s recent obsession with Drunk Elephant? It’s horrifying to see.
It’s also worrying that people don’t believe these big companies are purposefully marketing to children. All I see on the internet is people poking fun and blaming the parents (mums).
Did you know our eggs are actually ageing? Not just our skin and eyes and breasts...but the fertility thing... maybe part of the beauty/male gaze thing, is because the actual eggs are literally ageing. I've been amazed by feminine fertility since I was a little girl and watched my mom's preganacies. Now I'm peri-menopausal, but I never really knew the eggs themselves age until just yesterday! Being female is like this amazing miracle and kind of horror all wrapped up in one wild "adventure", as Madonna put it. I hope the young women learn to value their beauty and walk well with it, speaking life giving words to themselves and other women. We need each other.
Aging is a privilege. I admire women who dare to age naturally. Yet I also obsessively moisturize my face, and look into dermatological procedures. We all swim in the same toxic gunk of our culture. It’s hard to escape
I am 30 years old and when someone suggested retinol to me I was taken aback. I thought it was something people might use after their mid forties. But then I read THIS and I am shocked to the core
Thanks for sharing this. It's very beautifully written, and deeply sobering. I'm an instant fan. Of course I'm inspired to add my own mediocre, compulsive comments. First is simply that we humans are neither cyborgs nor disembodied spirits, therefore we all have a shelf life. It's not injustice, it's mere biology, and it is equally true for boys and men (who simply have a different time/value curve.) Second, we each have a "commodity value" (which is really just a real and/or estimated social bargaining power for getting what we want and need from others) that barely overlaps the divine spark of our own souls. It is the dissonance between these two valences that torments us all, whether male or female. You magnificently capture the unique torment particular to the "pretty girl" (or, the almost-pretty girl) and the "used to be pretty girl." Outside that frame are the experiences of all who are something other than that. Which is to say, practically everybody, given that only 50% of humans are female, and "pretty" probably fits neatly on no more that a third of them. So, around 17% of humans, only a fraction of whom are in that phase of life at any moment. Still, that feminine fraction fascinates the attention of all of us. And we barely recognize the reason: We're basically just mammals mating and propagating our species. Ultimately it is our primitive urge to improve our collective gene pool that rivets the teenage girl to TikTok and her bathroom mirror, and that moves mature adults to sift cheerleaders and quarterbacks our of the rabble of ordinary kids, and to require the rabble to honor them. Nevertheless, there is live and love and joy for "the rest of us." If only we let go of the expectation that it is we who will be the next object of genetic reverence.
I found you via Rob Henderson, and dang, I'm glad. I'll be up late reading all of your writings!
Reading this, I have to admit, I chuckled because some of these things sound absurd...but I am mostly saddened that my fellow women (younger and older) are basing so much of their value and worth on looking “ageless.”
When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to have wrinkles and crow’s feet because I thought “now that’s a woman who’s lived a lot more life, has some wisdom and some stories!”
There is beauty in age (pain as well)...and the gift age gives you is time and the opportunity to live life. And valuing your time and self as a person-doesn’t mean wasting time worrying about the fact that you’re aging...enjoy life, laugh so hard you make more wrinkles, have enough experiences that your face looks like crackle glazed vase...that’s living, that’s life☺️
Such an important topic. Personally I’m not a fan of TikTok anyway, but learning the type of influence it has on young girls made me sick. We should be teaching young girls to fight objectification, not to succumb to it. For the record, I treasure my laugh lines and crows feet. I’ve earned everyone of them being an outspoken advocate for women and girls.
Are we spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience, of physical beings having a temporary
spiritual experience?
My wife is almost 3 years older than me. She's my best friend.
Great, dark piece, Freya. I explored something this concept in one of my first Substack posts if you or any readers are interested. It's about a quasi-totalitarian state where mirrors are banned for children:
https://www.mostlymyth.com/p/no-country-for-young-women
In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I was partly inspired to write it after hearing a conversation you had on the Triggernometry podcast. So thank you!
Hi Freya! I wondered if you’ve seen gen alpha’s recent obsession with Drunk Elephant? It’s horrifying to see.
It’s also worrying that people don’t believe these big companies are purposefully marketing to children. All I see on the internet is people poking fun and blaming the parents (mums).
Did you know our eggs are actually ageing? Not just our skin and eyes and breasts...but the fertility thing... maybe part of the beauty/male gaze thing, is because the actual eggs are literally ageing. I've been amazed by feminine fertility since I was a little girl and watched my mom's preganacies. Now I'm peri-menopausal, but I never really knew the eggs themselves age until just yesterday! Being female is like this amazing miracle and kind of horror all wrapped up in one wild "adventure", as Madonna put it. I hope the young women learn to value their beauty and walk well with it, speaking life giving words to themselves and other women. We need each other.
Aging is a privilege. I admire women who dare to age naturally. Yet I also obsessively moisturize my face, and look into dermatological procedures. We all swim in the same toxic gunk of our culture. It’s hard to escape
Okay I am mind fucked after reading this
I am 30 years old and when someone suggested retinol to me I was taken aback. I thought it was something people might use after their mid forties. But then I read THIS and I am shocked to the core