Freya, this is brilliant! Thank you so much for expressing what I could not articulate to my wonderful daughter when she tried to brace me about a deviation in the movie from the book - Daisy Jones and The Six. Camilla, who is compassionate and family oriented throughout the book, has an affair in the movie just to get back her sense of self. I understood this was director Reece Witherspoon’s misguided attempt to “empower” Camilla, but in doing so, the book version of Camilla’s integrity-to-the-bone is lost.
And the idea that monogamy is feminist is absurd. I grew up in Middle East and N. Africa where men could have multiple wives AT ANY TIME. Women lived under constant fear of the husband being able to divorce her by just saying “I divorce you” three times, or marrying another woman or several women.
I could not understand and still don’t, why what we bring to the table is not valued by women themselves or society: sewing, quilting, cooking, gardening, love of children, caring for family. I didn’t understand why I had to adopt the traits of men instead of having the men adopt some of our traits.
And I’m a radical feminist. Probably more of the International feminist brand though.
Thank you again for expressing what I could not articulate. I loathe this false brand of feminism which seems to be steeped in self-loathing. Very sad.
The thing is, children are harmed by infidelity, the most. A real woman strives to keep her family together, meaning she won’t do anything to break it apart (i.e, cheat). But f*ck those kids, I guess.
It's quite ironic actually. The feminist types and the andrew tate types have the same perception of relationships and dating, which is that it is a 'transaction'. This is, as you have said in the article, consumerism.
Inherent in this 'sexual consumerism' is the commodification of sex and relationships which turns people into products to be consumed at leisure - hence the flagrant cheating epidemic.
Products are disposable, and if people are products, then they too, are disposable.
To me, cheating denotes a lack of courage, it is an action that speaks to an inability to clearly communicate our own needs (since instead of addressing what we are not receiving in the relationship we are going out to seek it elsewhere) and also demonstrates a clear lack of reverence for the relationship on our own part.
I’ve come across you here this morning and I’m really loving your writing, in fact I just read your piece on social media to my eldest (now 12) to give her another perspective on it all beyond my own and it really opened her eyes to why I’ve been so determined to keep her away from it as long as possible.
Great piece. I met you in "Triggernometry". I was puzzled by the guys having such a young guest. What is this little girl doing in such a program. Later I have to recognize that you are a brilliant example of common sense and hope for future generation. I am a 52 guy already, but I have a son. I would love to be a grandpa, but I cannot tell my son to form a family these days. Celebs and other influencer are to blame. I invite you to read my pieces. Sorry in advance: English is not my first language.
It should come as no surprise that, as women have gained much in the power that used to be almost entirely male, that they would adopt many of the same sorts of abuses of it that men inflicted historically, the same protections from accountability, the same narcissism. Women are not somehow morally superior to men.
Dec 13, 2023·edited Dec 13, 2023Liked by Freya India
"Of course, I understand that we are fearful of regressing back to an age when women were stripped of freedom and autonomy, and hesitate to tell women how to live their lives." i really liked this article except for this sentence. i mean contemporary autonomy is an illusion, people have different options now, speaking of the past as if it were a place where women were stripped of freedom and autonomy is becomeing increasingly rediculous, in the west at least. if a woman wants a family and to marry a non.porn addicted virgin like my grand mother did, she is not free to do so in todays society, because there are so few. back then it was easy, but this was the work of severely constraining norms, shame, etc. but people with one lifetime partner are happier in aggregate, its surely more beautiful than having 20-50 partners. to jesture to this boogeyman past is to perpetuate this false myth. i think its better to say there are always trade offs, but if we look to the age where women were told what to do and how to live, they lived objectively better and happier lives, the mass medicalization of women in the west is a testament to this. your whole article is now the current era is not neutral, it tells women how to live, it has propped up toxic masculinity as highest evil for men, summum bonum for women.
Great article! I've been writing on this topic for a while, but I think you absolutely hit the nail on the head. I haven't heard your interview with Triggernometry yet, but I will check it out!
All this makes sense in a world where relationships matter less than desire and consumption, the handmaidens of autonomy. My book on the dark side of individualism comes out next May. Anyone reading this will love it... https://a.co/d/arGnlGE
Vibing a lot with Marie Daouda's piece who said that the power is never on the side of the so-called empowered who is a passive adjective based on a sort of falsely virtual love triangle.
"Will freedom make us true? From Madame Bovary to Instagram"
Thank you for writing this. I just got done reading Louise Perry's book, so what you write here is very much on my mind lately. I realize that a lot of men have treated women like disposable, interchangeable objects for centuries, but is the solution really to create a society where women feel free to be as callous toward their partners as men have been? Is that liberation?
(I found your post through Andrew Sullivan, who linked to you today.)
Cheating Isn't Empowering
Freya, this is brilliant! Thank you so much for expressing what I could not articulate to my wonderful daughter when she tried to brace me about a deviation in the movie from the book - Daisy Jones and The Six. Camilla, who is compassionate and family oriented throughout the book, has an affair in the movie just to get back her sense of self. I understood this was director Reece Witherspoon’s misguided attempt to “empower” Camilla, but in doing so, the book version of Camilla’s integrity-to-the-bone is lost.
And the idea that monogamy is feminist is absurd. I grew up in Middle East and N. Africa where men could have multiple wives AT ANY TIME. Women lived under constant fear of the husband being able to divorce her by just saying “I divorce you” three times, or marrying another woman or several women.
I could not understand and still don’t, why what we bring to the table is not valued by women themselves or society: sewing, quilting, cooking, gardening, love of children, caring for family. I didn’t understand why I had to adopt the traits of men instead of having the men adopt some of our traits.
And I’m a radical feminist. Probably more of the International feminist brand though.
Thank you again for expressing what I could not articulate. I loathe this false brand of feminism which seems to be steeped in self-loathing. Very sad.
Great piece!
The thing is, children are harmed by infidelity, the most. A real woman strives to keep her family together, meaning she won’t do anything to break it apart (i.e, cheat). But f*ck those kids, I guess.
Good article!
It's quite ironic actually. The feminist types and the andrew tate types have the same perception of relationships and dating, which is that it is a 'transaction'. This is, as you have said in the article, consumerism.
Inherent in this 'sexual consumerism' is the commodification of sex and relationships which turns people into products to be consumed at leisure - hence the flagrant cheating epidemic.
Products are disposable, and if people are products, then they too, are disposable.
Love this Freya!
To me, cheating denotes a lack of courage, it is an action that speaks to an inability to clearly communicate our own needs (since instead of addressing what we are not receiving in the relationship we are going out to seek it elsewhere) and also demonstrates a clear lack of reverence for the relationship on our own part.
I’ve come across you here this morning and I’m really loving your writing, in fact I just read your piece on social media to my eldest (now 12) to give her another perspective on it all beyond my own and it really opened her eyes to why I’ve been so determined to keep her away from it as long as possible.
Great piece. I met you in "Triggernometry". I was puzzled by the guys having such a young guest. What is this little girl doing in such a program. Later I have to recognize that you are a brilliant example of common sense and hope for future generation. I am a 52 guy already, but I have a son. I would love to be a grandpa, but I cannot tell my son to form a family these days. Celebs and other influencer are to blame. I invite you to read my pieces. Sorry in advance: English is not my first language.
What a sad world we live in.
It should come as no surprise that, as women have gained much in the power that used to be almost entirely male, that they would adopt many of the same sorts of abuses of it that men inflicted historically, the same protections from accountability, the same narcissism. Women are not somehow morally superior to men.
"Of course, I understand that we are fearful of regressing back to an age when women were stripped of freedom and autonomy, and hesitate to tell women how to live their lives." i really liked this article except for this sentence. i mean contemporary autonomy is an illusion, people have different options now, speaking of the past as if it were a place where women were stripped of freedom and autonomy is becomeing increasingly rediculous, in the west at least. if a woman wants a family and to marry a non.porn addicted virgin like my grand mother did, she is not free to do so in todays society, because there are so few. back then it was easy, but this was the work of severely constraining norms, shame, etc. but people with one lifetime partner are happier in aggregate, its surely more beautiful than having 20-50 partners. to jesture to this boogeyman past is to perpetuate this false myth. i think its better to say there are always trade offs, but if we look to the age where women were told what to do and how to live, they lived objectively better and happier lives, the mass medicalization of women in the west is a testament to this. your whole article is now the current era is not neutral, it tells women how to live, it has propped up toxic masculinity as highest evil for men, summum bonum for women.
Great article! I've been writing on this topic for a while, but I think you absolutely hit the nail on the head. I haven't heard your interview with Triggernometry yet, but I will check it out!
All this makes sense in a world where relationships matter less than desire and consumption, the handmaidens of autonomy. My book on the dark side of individualism comes out next May. Anyone reading this will love it... https://a.co/d/arGnlGE
Wonderful piece
Wow, another good one.
Freya India's righteous analysis.
Vibing a lot with Marie Daouda's piece who said that the power is never on the side of the so-called empowered who is a passive adjective based on a sort of falsely virtual love triangle.
"Will freedom make us true? From Madame Bovary to Instagram"
https://mariekawthardaouda.substack.com/p/truthandfreedom
Thank you for writing this. I just got done reading Louise Perry's book, so what you write here is very much on my mind lately. I realize that a lot of men have treated women like disposable, interchangeable objects for centuries, but is the solution really to create a society where women feel free to be as callous toward their partners as men have been? Is that liberation?
(I found your post through Andrew Sullivan, who linked to you today.)
Is there any distinction left between feminism and female chauvinism? Not for many supposed feminists, unfortunately.